Go to the Oxford Fringe!

Here is the site.....





These are the plays I am going to:

The Big Bite-Size Soirée

The Big Bite-Size Soirée

Reflections in a Distorting Mirror

Life is fair after all

What have these three got in common?

TWO OF THEM did extra essays for me - which I marked.

The other one did a daily blog.



So what did they all do?
WHAT THEY WERE TOLD TO DO.

And they all got grade A !

Only one other person got grade A - and he taught Economics!

Outburst

First play being performed!

My first play takes place at the Semper theatre, next week...

Sunday reading

Do not read whilst eating

also read this...

Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched . . .
. . . is directly proportional . . .
. . . . . . to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers:
If you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal . . .
. . . and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because . . .
you had a flat tire; the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster
than the one to which you switched . . . (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water . . .
. . . the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know . . .
increases dramatically . . .
when you are with someone . . .
.. . . . you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone . . .
. . . that a machine won't work . . .
. . . . . . it will work fine.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional . . .
. . . to the reach needed to scratch it.

Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early,
before the end of the performance or the game is over.
The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once,
have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end
of the performance. The aisle people are also very surly folk.

The Coffee Law :
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee . . .
your boss will ask you to do something which will last . . .
. . . until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room . . .
. . . they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces :
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich . . .
landing face down on a floor . . . are directly correlated . . .
. . . to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible . . .
. . if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance:
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking :
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy:
As soon as you find . . .
. . . a product that you really like . . .
. . . . . they will stop making it..

Doctors' Law :
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better.

But, don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Easy money

Funk all those “How to become a Millionaire” books – I’ve got a blinder that’ll cost you no more that 2 rats and will make you a mint in a night. All you need for this is a group of mates, a Snickers bar and half a pint of cider. That’s your only investment. Here’s what to do.

So, you’re in a pub chilling with your pals – a warm Snicker in your pocket and half a pint in your hand. Go to the toilet, drop the chocolate bar in to the half-pint and place the glass on the shelf above the urinals. Return to your pals.

Within a few moments nature will call and one of the group will need to go for a piss. Thirty seconds later he returns in a shock “Some dirty scrubber and coiled one in a glass and pissed all over it!!”. (The Snickers has begun to stagnate and mix with the cider and a few peanuts are bobbing on the top – Artwork!)

Go and retrieve your concoction, slam it on the table and in your half-cooked state deliver the line “£100 and ill knock it back”

Out comes the money, down goes the food and drink and you’re not only £100 better off but also a mad-f**k in your mates minds! BOOM….Seeeeeya, on to the next pub…